Love according to I Corinthians 13:4-7 says
4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
The key part that stands out to me is that love endures through every circumstance. I believe that every day you need to wake up and choose to love that man every day. Being a military wife you are tested every moment of everyday on how much you love your husband. You have to be extra patient, kind, faithful, and hopeful! It’s a tall order but that’s our duty as a wife of the military man.
Being a military wife it’s not a question of if you’ll face separation, but when. How do you keep a marriage going when your husband is always on another deployment or another training cycle? I have a friend who just celebrated her 5th wedding anniversary with only 2 years together living in the same house. Every time our husbands leave we have good-bye sex and when they come home we have great welcome home sex. Some times when we get back together it awkward and you have some funny moments, which we can’t stress about you have to laugh through those.
Love making doesn’t have to be a feast or famine experience though. I have some tips to keep the love making alive even when the psychical loving making can’t happen. First things first verbal loving making - No I’m not taking about talking dirty, but letting your husband know how much you love him. “I love you!” is so wonderful to hear but it can also just sound like three words. Let him know the meaning of why you love him.
· Write a list of you top 10 favorite things you love about your husband.
· Mail a care package once a month.
· Mail a card once a week.
· Make a point during each phone call to stop the ‘business’ conversation let him know how much you miss him physically.
· Share with him how much you long to share your bed with him again.
Words are powerful tools you have at your disposal. Just like with have your breast and booty to shake to entice our husband into bed, while he is gone we have our words. Usually we think about how words affect women to build us up, we need to do the same for our husbands. They work long hours, in bad conditions, away from everyone they love. You would not believe how building up my husband has come back to benefit me. This last deployment my husband realized maybe he was neglecting me and he felt bad that I was supporting him so much. He wrote me a list of 100 things he loves about me. I can’t tell you how love that made me feel. It’s always good to go by that “Golden Rule” – “Do unto others as you would have done unto you.”
Words are great but they can’t do everything to keep you husband’s mind fully on you. Visual! This is where is can get fun. There is a disclaimer here though if your husband is struggling with pornography then some of this section you might not want to use. Pray about it and if you feel it is safe then go for it, otherwise please use your discretion. God never said it was a sin to lust after your own wife, just another man’s. I make a point to never give the opportunity for my husband to turn his head toward the “other man’s”. Buy yourself a new piece of lingerie or pull out an old favorite of his, then grab you digital camera, turn on the automatic timer and get on your sexist pose ever. Take a picture looking at the camera with that “come hither” look. Get a good shot of your cleavage. Let him know you are home wait for him to take you in his arms and ravage you. WOW! Will be the only words from his lips when he gets those pictures. My second disclaimer for this little project is either emails these pictures to his personal email not his military (AKO) account or print them off on your home printer so the pictures are for his eyes only. You don’t want anyone lusting after you besides your man.
Another way you can visually ‘make love’ is to take care of yourself. While your husband is gone let him know you value yourself. Don’t let your body go. Hit the gym, eat right, get good sleep, limit the alcohol intake, and still ware your make-up. No man wants to leave his wife and come home to a less attractive woman then he left. Our first military separation, I lived on fast food I did not want to cook. Lucky for me I was so busy working that I did a good job burning it off, so I only put on a couple of pounds. My husband didn’t say anything, but it made me feel less attractive and sexy so it did end up affecting our ‘welcome sex’ a bit. I don’t know if it works for you like this but it sure affects me I have a much better time when I feel better about me. Sometimes I think the whole point of lingerie is to get me in the mood. So, take care of yourself. It’s not selfish it honoring you husband and God by taking care your body.
How else can we make love from afar, well we can take care of our homes. If you work full-time, part-time, or stay at home, you still need to take care of your home. Apartment, house, or a room for rent it is still you home. (I’ll go into more detail on my house keeping tips in a later chapter.) No one feels good in caose and disorder, so pick up the house. If nothing else make it a goal for yourself to at least have the dishes done before you go to bed every night. I’m a little more extreme than most in taking care of my home. I love to decorate and I love power tools. While my hubby was gone I remodeled our master bath and redid our bedroom. My goal was that when he got home it would be our statuary from the rest of the world and it is. If you are going to do this type of project though keep him in mind it is his room too after all. Also, know your budget don’t tap yourself out. You won’t believe the cool things you can find make your home beautiful at yard sales, dollar stores, and give-a-ways from friends. Proverbs 31:22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. And verse 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. The woman is Proverbs 31 is not unattainable, she sets a high standard, but we can all be women of virtue and our home is the place where that virtue can shine the brightest. Proverbs 10:4 Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth. Bring wealth to your marriage and let you husband know how grateful you are that he provides for you, by taking care of that home. It’s so easy and I’m speaking to myself as well, to turn on the TV and let the dishes sit in the sink, the laundry stay in a pile on the couch, and the mop to sit in the bucket unused, but girls this is your job you are your own boss. Find the motivation, get a friend to check on you, set goals for yourself, reward yourself, whatever it takes simply put get you rear off the couch and take care of business!
If you have children you have another opportunity to love you husband while he’s gone. Love through his kids. One time my husband told me sometimes I feel like I’m paying child support. He gets to pay for their needs but not experience their lives. However, as the mother we get to experience everything without a break and we want to help and support of our husbands. Social network websites have opened up an amazing opportunity to easily share photos and videos with our husbands. When I post a new video or photo to my page my husband gets to see our lives. It takes time but it is all so worth it to hear the comfort it is bring my husband and it keeps him connected to our son. Have the kids to art project to include in your care packages and if it’s available to you get on a web cam as a family keep that connect alive. Talk to your children about their Daddy let them know how much you love and respect him, children live as we live. When my husband calls I try to make it a big deal. Saying “Whoo whoo it’s Daddy calling, best part of the day!” or “hey Buddy that’s your daddy calling isn’t that awesome?!” which at 2 my son replies “yea Daddy!” Bingo – the perfect response Daddy is someone to be celebrated.
I believe in a three way marriage with God being the third person. If you and your husband are saved then you both have a direct line to God. So, if the email is down, the phone calls are few and far between, snail mail is well SNAIL mail, you can always pray. I highly recommend reading “The Power of the Praying Wife.” It has given me the words to pray for my husband when I wasn’t 100% sure what to pray myself. Whenever you pray for someone you can’t help but love them deeper. God’s love is the deepest love ever and when you pray for your husband you will not only love him as you love him but with the love of God. It is a beautiful thing, something that can’t be put into words but once you experience that type of love you’ll never love the same again.
Ladies, I honestly don’t have all the answers to loving your husband each man is different, each marriage is different, but I challenge you to find ways to wow your husband with your love for him. No one can ever be loved too much.
